Worth

This is what happens in the wee hours of the night when I can't sleep. My mind decides that it's time to ponder and figure out the unanswerable, and then I end up writing about it on here for all of you to join in and read. Stupid mind...

According to Webster, worth is: 1. Monetary value. 2. The value of something measured by its qualities.

Go ask any businessman or economist and they will tell you that somethings worth is determined by market fluctuations, supply & demand, and most importantly, how much someone is willing to pay for this particular thing.

Put the two together and you get this:

Worth is the value of something measured by its qualities, and either validated or invalidated by the amount someone is willing to pay for it; how much someone is willing to give up or do for it. According to The D, that's what worth is. Now, I didn't get up out of my nice warm bed this late at night to share my theory of worth on items and goods bought, oh no, this time of night calls for much more philosophical queries. I am trying to figure out how to measure my own worth as a person, as The D.

Let's start with the source of all things; God. How can I determine what I am worth to him, using what I said before. This one is an easy one though.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son..." - You know the rest, and if you don't, go get a Bible and look up John 3:16 and get back to me.

He was willing to give up his son for us. In order to "pay" for us, in order to show how much he loved us, he gave up his only son. Now, notice how he didn't say "I'm going to give you my only son," and then when push came to shove so to speak, he retracted and said "Whoa, no that's a little too much, how about one of the angels instead?"

With God, it is easy to know what our worth to him is, he plainly said it and showed it. It's easy to know where we stand with him because he doesn't hide himself from us, he is always in pursuit of our hearts, our minds, and our lives. But what about other people?

We all, myself included, measure our worth by other people and consider it more important and more accurate than our worth to God. How foolish. I have done that too much over the past while, and it has left me very very confused, and honestly, feeling like I'm really not worth all that much. Yes, I know, pity party for The D, but that's not what I'm going for. This is See The D, and so every now and then, you get to see and hear me speak from the heart, and the heart you hear right now is searching for answers.

And individual worth is not determined by how much someone says you are worth, or by how much they say they will give up or do or whatever for you, but how much they actually do give up for you. There's a big difference there. Think about what would happen at an auction if someone bid thousands of dollars for a painting, and then when it came time for them to pay, they decided they only wanted to give 500 bucks for it. Words come so easily from the lips, and I know I've said this on this blog like twenty times, but there's a reason it's my favorite quote.
"Words are mere sound until backed up by real action."

If we measured or determined our worth based heavily upon how other people treat us or give up for us or do for us, then we will at times all feel pretty damn worthless. We've all been there, it's just how it is sometimes. And I'm not talking about the Starbucks guy who takes your order and gives you coffee with a smile, I'm talking about the people that we love and those who are closest to us and who know us, at least to a certain extent. And when I talk about measuring worth by what people do or give up for us, I don't want to be confused. I'm not talking about what someone is willing to buy you for Christmas necessarily. Let me give you a good story:

One day at the supermarket, my mom and I were finishing the weekly shopping. Getting to the checkout line, the cashier rang up our small load of groceries and then my mother handed her the only cash we had. Not the only cash she happened to have on her, but the only cash we had as a family, and not because we just didn't go to the bank that morning. The cashier took the bills from my mom and handed her back the change. We left and went on our way. The next day, I had something going on at school and I needed a few bucks for it. Amazingly enough, the change from the supermarket was exactly the amount I needed, and it was also the only money we had.

This is the moment. This is the point where your worth is shown, be it great or small. This is that moment when someone decides purposely or not, "How much is it worth to me?"

My mother gave me the change from the supermarket; the only money we had at that point. I wouldn't know that until many years later, but now I do, and it showed me what I was worth to my mother. I wasn't worth four dollars and some odd cents, I was worth everything she had. I was worth that risk of not having any cash, that risk of stepping out on a shaky and thin limb. It would have been easy for her to call up the teacher and work things out so we didn't have to pay, but she didn't take the easy way out. Thank you mom.

My friends, our worth as one "amount" can never be determined. Our worth is different to everyone around us. To our boss, it is most likely a monetary value above anything else. To our significant other, it is measured in heart, in care, concern, in the little everyday things that make every day. Yes, your worth is partially determined by those around you and those you let close to you. For your sake, I hope you are surrounded by at least a few people who show you where you stand; who show you what you are worth. For your sake, I hope it is a lot. Please remember this though, they are not the only ones who determine it, you do too. Value yourself, know what you are worth and what you deserve. Be confident in that, but not demanding and over-valued. And if like me, you find yourself struggling to see your worth, then go to God. Go to him anyway, you will always know your worth to him, and it will always be great. Always.