Loneliness

This is the first part of something I've been working on for a little. Chances are, some of the grammar isn't perfect and there may be something spelled wrong, but I wrote this lying in bed with the lights off, so I couldn't see anything I was writing. I would love to hear what you think of it and what you think it conveys. I'm interested in emotional and intellectual reaction. Here goes:
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Sunlight is much more valuable the darker it gets. Not to say that moonlight isn’t worth anything, it just doesn’t show you as much as the sun does. It doesn’t illuminate the cracks, the corners, the darkest areas we choose to pass by at night. It illuminates enough for us to feel comfortable, and enough to still let us fear.

He stepped out of his car and locked the door before closing it. As he walked down the red brick pathway to the back door, he waved his hands to activate the “automatic” lights. A quick flip through the several keys brought him to the shiny silver one for the back door. The porch light was still off. So was the kitchen light. The keys made the same familiar sound they always did when dropped on the cluttered round wooden table in the kitchen. His footsteps made the same echoing sound in the hallway as he walked to his room, where the carpet wouldn’t echo his loneliness. The leather chair sighed air as he sat down in it after the long day.

The automatic lights outside switched off, waiting for someone else to come and alert them. His monitor flickered on, and the desktop wallpaper of a foreign place came to life. He stared at it like he always had, wishing he could be there to enjoy the lush meadows and rolling hills of Wales. Someday, someday. A few quick keystrokes and the world was brought to his screen. The world, however, must not have an automatic light.

“No e-mail again.” A heavy sigh left his body, falling to the floor under its weight.

The answering machine glowed red in the living room. He had no real purpose for a home phone, considering his cell phone was his closest companion. Perhaps it was just for the sake of having an answering machine. Perhaps it was just for the sake of coming home to a voice, even if that voice nagged all the time with: “No new messages.” It still spoke, and it spoke to him.

Sitting there, watching TV, as he always wound up doing, he couldn’t help but think of what other people did at night; normal people. People who had lives, people who had friends and went to dinner parties, and silent auctions in the church basement to help out with the youth group’s mission trip to Mexico. People had company, they went out to eat, the went to bowling leagues, bars, clubs, even Starbucks. He checked his messages and blankly watched TV.

We all have the darkest spots, the ones that never get illuminated. It’s not that we’re afraid to illuminate them out of fear of what is there; rather, we don’t want to shine the light on them and see nothing at all. Anxious excitement, is still excitement.

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So what do you think? My personal favorite is about his footsteps in the hallway and how the carpet in his room wouldn't echo his loneliness. I sometimes wonder what it is about loneliness that tears us all apart so much. Go ask a bunch of people what they fear the most, and chances are, the majority of the answers will be: "Being alone." (Which will just nudge out the oompa loompas from Willy Wonka) Everyone is afraid of it in one sense or another, myself included. But it is in the reason why we fear loneliness that sets us apart. Some don't want to be alone because they live in paranoia of one thing or another, and that other person gives them security. Some don't want to be alone because they want someone to share with (my reason). Others want the affection that another provides. Still some have no confidence they can survive on their own and need some kind of helper. However, under the surface, many people do not want to be alone because they don't like themselves, and instead of looking inside, they look around. This is at the heart of so many other destructive things, addictions, infidelities, being used, etc. It's something everyone at one point or another struggles with, no matter what confidence level they have or appear to have. (I think I'll get into this tomorrow)
So what is your reason? Do you fear being alone? If you do, what is it about loneliness that scares you? Please leave a comment, I'd love to see what you have to say.