Woe is The D
I come to you, humbled by my own humanity; shamed by my actions. Woe, I say woe, is The D. My roommate Matthew and I went to a comedy show last night to see Brian Regan. If you have not heard of this man, I urge you to visit his website and buy something, seriously, he's one of the funniest comics I've ever heard and it's all clean. Great stuff. Anyway. So we stop at a restaurant (cue scary music) and sit down at a booth. I open the menu and am confronted by a myriad of diet-busting dinnahs (for you Boston residents) and I caved. (I had a "French Dip" which is a sandwich. Damn the French.) Heap insults on me fellow readers! Bring thy wrath upon me, for I am scum, and my name is, The D. Woe is me. But! There is a small light at the end of my calorie induced tunnel: I was way under my calorie/carb/everything consumption for the day. I had only eaten about 700 calories at that point, so even with a dinner, which wasn't all that bad, I'm still under my calorie ceiling. So it's not too bad. I make no excuses however and expect to have a storm of angry readers rain down their displeasure.
Other than that, I have nothing much to say. We saw an amazing spectacle of lightening last night on the ride home, absolutely incredible. Tomorrow I'm going to post something I've written outside of this blog, just because I want to put some of my own stuff on here, so maybe I'll make that a weekly thing on Sundays.
I also realized that I'm a pretty messed up person last night. I don't enjoy being happy for too long. Isn't that weird? But, it's not that I don't enjoy being happy, it's that I don't enjoy being happy when I don't feel fulfilled. I've been single for a while, and I'm not saying that if I had a girlfriend I'd be fulfilled, but I would then have someone to share that happiness with, which would fulfill me. I wrote in my Loneliness blog that there are reasons why people are lonely, and scared of being lonely, and my reason was that I want someone to share with. I want to share my life, my ideas, my creativity, my stories, my happy times, my tears, just everything with someone, and I almost feel empty when I'm happy without having someone to share it with. What good is it to me if I can't let someone else have some or share in it? But depression, that's something I don't necessarily want to share with someone else, so when it hits, I can just take it all in and it's all mine. It fills me up I guess. I'm not trying to get rid of it and so I hold onto it because at least it fills me up. I've gone through the last couple days pretty happy and energized and feeling good, but I feel like I'd rather be depressed right now. I feel uncomfortable being happy. I like rainy days, cloudy days. I like the nighttime better than the day. Even my writing is better when I'm depressed, the words carry so much more weight and flow out of their dungeon with intense emotion. I can't imagine that this is a good thing. Well, let me re-word that. I can't imagine anyone would think that this is a good thing. Perhaps for me it is. Perhaps.
Other than that, I have nothing much to say. We saw an amazing spectacle of lightening last night on the ride home, absolutely incredible. Tomorrow I'm going to post something I've written outside of this blog, just because I want to put some of my own stuff on here, so maybe I'll make that a weekly thing on Sundays.
I also realized that I'm a pretty messed up person last night. I don't enjoy being happy for too long. Isn't that weird? But, it's not that I don't enjoy being happy, it's that I don't enjoy being happy when I don't feel fulfilled. I've been single for a while, and I'm not saying that if I had a girlfriend I'd be fulfilled, but I would then have someone to share that happiness with, which would fulfill me. I wrote in my Loneliness blog that there are reasons why people are lonely, and scared of being lonely, and my reason was that I want someone to share with. I want to share my life, my ideas, my creativity, my stories, my happy times, my tears, just everything with someone, and I almost feel empty when I'm happy without having someone to share it with. What good is it to me if I can't let someone else have some or share in it? But depression, that's something I don't necessarily want to share with someone else, so when it hits, I can just take it all in and it's all mine. It fills me up I guess. I'm not trying to get rid of it and so I hold onto it because at least it fills me up. I've gone through the last couple days pretty happy and energized and feeling good, but I feel like I'd rather be depressed right now. I feel uncomfortable being happy. I like rainy days, cloudy days. I like the nighttime better than the day. Even my writing is better when I'm depressed, the words carry so much more weight and flow out of their dungeon with intense emotion. I can't imagine that this is a good thing. Well, let me re-word that. I can't imagine anyone would think that this is a good thing. Perhaps for me it is. Perhaps.
posted by The D at
10:22 AM
10 Comments:
I think you would be surprised at how many people feel the same way - or at least similarly - to the way you do. I have found myself contemplating the same woes as you for the past couple of months. . and months beyond that. I agree with how you feel about sharing your happiness. I also empathize with your desire to not necessarily hold on to your self-proclaimed depression while at the same time enjoying it in a sense. You are not alone in this feeling D, yet I have no answers for you.
By
ERIN C., at 11:27 AM
As for your diet hun - you realize that a diet is to be kept up your entire life and not just a month or so until you reach you goal weight. If you cannot see yourself living happily with the diet you currently have then it's not the correct diet for you. You have to be able to indulg once in a while. There is so much emotion involved with food. Denying yourself of every little craving will only make you binge harder when you finally cave...and everyone caves at some point. You're not bad, only human.
As for loneliness - I already spoke to you about how that entry touched me. It even inspired my latest entry. I think most people find it easier to write when they are disconent. It's always easier to see the negative in a situation and dwell on it. Everyone has a bad day, or two or three.Just don't let it consume you.
By
Anonymous, at 11:59 AM
I made my "cheating on my diet" way way way more dramatic than it really was. In all honesty, me eating that meal wasn't that big of a deal, and this diet isn't a diet I will keep my whole life. But I was just making it overdramatic to make it more fun.
I'm flattered and humbled that it touched you that much and even inspired you to do something of your own, that's a wonderful compliment, so thank you.
By
The D, at 12:26 PM
I read your whole blog D. Do I get a cookie? I like Snickerdoodles.
By
Thatgirl7278, at 9:21 PM
I'll take two twistygoos, I want a lemon twitter...haha...1) Ladies, this man is hot. He can cheat on his diet now and again, so don't be too hard on him. 2) I find that the closer I walk with God two things happen: a) my life is defined by joy and peace. b) the world becomes more painful. I've found that joy and pain can grow along side of one another. Not your point I know, but just what it made me think of. 3) I appreciate what you said about feeling empty without someone to enjoy those special times with. It's tough...
By
Matt, at 12:21 AM
Whoever that Translucide girl is has a very inappropriate picture. Especially if she is married with kids. I hope that is not her, but even if its another person, that is still very inappropriate and offensive. She should not be flirting with men when she is married with babies. - anyonmos
By
Anonymous, at 10:17 AM
I can relate to your wanting someone to share your happiness, and even sadness with. I think it is a desire that lies deep within most people...there are, of course, those who are in denial :) I think that in a small way though, writing in your blog and hearing all these comments from people who can relate might help you at least a tiny bit? It's obviously not the same as having a girlfriend, but who knows, you might meet one who stumbles across your blog and falls madly in love with you. Oh, and as for the diet? I'm glad you're not one of those obnoxious calorie-counting people. It's gay enough when women do it and whip out their point-books, slicing off a third of their hamburger so it will only have a third of the points. Geez, just don't eat the fries, you know? Anyway, your approach sounds good. Maybe working out will help too, but in that case you'll probably stay about the same weight and just convert it to muscle. But being 6 feet and 215 is not bad at all. Take one of those BMI (Body Mass Index) tests at http://www.topendsports.com/testing/BMIcalc1.htm
- HP
By
Anonymous, at 10:25 AM
To the anonymous who left a comment. Perhaps you didn't read an earlier post I made where I do NOT WANT anonymous comments. I hope you read this because I'm talking about you. First of all, translucide femme's picture is NONE of your business and you are no one in position to judge oh perfect one. So go screw.
Secondly, you don't know that she is flirting with anyone. I know her very well and have known her for a long time. You know absolutely nothing about her.
Third, I said leave comments regarding the freaking entry. Your comment doesn't regard that. In fact, the only reason I'm leaving your stupid comment is just to seethe about it in mine and how annoying and frustrating you are.
And finally, LEARN HOW TO SPELL. It's anonymous, not anyonmos. C'mon, it's spelled right below you.
TO EVERYONE ELSE, thank you for being an intelligent person who knows how to leave normal comments. I appreciate you all except for the moron who left the anonymous comment. Good day.
By
The D, at 10:50 AM
D- if I seemed to be flirting with you in my comment know that it was not my intention, but if it made you smile..than it was worth it so =P to anonymous poster who felt the need to judge me
By
Anonymous, at 2:34 PM
Ha, no, you didn't come off as flirty in your comment. You came off sincere and heartfelt. But if you happened to flirt a little and make me smile, then it's so worth it. (I can say that cause I know you)
By
The D, at 3:18 PM
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