Effigy

Oh boy. Let me start by saying this is a two part blog in which I, The D, will set the scene for you, and Matthew, I'll give you a link later, will explain what happened.

So last night, Saturday night, Matt and I decide that we're going to clean the kitchen at around 10:30 at night. I start scrubbing down the countertops while he cleans the table and vacuums the floor. Naturally, we start talking about certain things, mainly the annoying faucet that is still broken, and our other roommate's fiance. I won't get into why I don't like her because it makes no difference to the story, just understand that neither of us like her very much if at all.

So, clearing off a few things on the couch in the living room, we happen upon her one piece bathing suit which has been sitting on the couch (after being washed) for about a month now. We don't really care that it is there, because we don't even sit on that part of the couch and it really doesn't bother us at all. However, being funny people that we are, we thought it would be a good idea to hang her bathing suit on a wooden beam in the kitchen, just for the heck of it.

I ask Matt if he has any rope, and he goes out to his car and returns with the rope from his trunk. I stand up on a nearby chair, throw the rope over the beam, well, place the rope, the beam isn't that high. I take the rope and bring it under the two shoulder loops on the suit, and then tie it off so it's hanging nicely in the kitchen. Along with this purple swimsuit is a black sweater which has also been on the couch for a while, and also not bothering us at all. I decide further, that it would be funny to put said black sweater into the bathing suit to fill it out a bit, make it look funnier. At that point, it kind of looked like a turkey in a bathing suit. Being the creative person that I am, I get several plastic bags, ball them up and use them as stuffing for the suit, adding as a final touch, the cherry on top: two tennis balls. I don't have to explain to you what those were for. Balance, yes, they were used for balance. *looks away quickly*

Now, let me also say that we had asked them to move these two items of clothing a few times and had not received any cooperation at all. Let me also say again that this was meant as just a joke and we didn't actually give a crap that the clothes were there, we just happened to be cleaning.

So here we are, around midnight, with a swimsuit hanging down from the beam, looking like a turkey with ample tennis ball sized breasts, waiting to be discovered. It was almost like the New World, but on a smaller scale of course. I, being a good christian who loves God, went to church in the morning while my heathen roommate Matt was sleeping in. Apparantly they came home this morning, and found the hanging turkey in a swimsuit. Matt can tell you the rest. :-) Believe me, it's good.

Go read part II.

By the way, I will be back tomorrow with my movie review of "Alfie", which was suggested to me after I reviewed The Wedding Crashers, and hated it, as well as jack ass men. Ok bye!