To thine own self be true

This post was actually scheduled for last weekend, oops. The title, "To thine own self be true" is from our dear friend Shakespeare. Will and I are tight. About a week ago, I wrote an entry about jerk guys and how girls seem to go for the asses of the world. Afterwards, I spoke to a certain delightful friend of mine who happens to be a girl, and shared my theories on why girls do indeed go for the jerks. She read them, agreed with them, and even added some insightful things. Thanks again peanut. You numba one!

So now I am faced with an interesting issue. I am me, and I like who I am, flaws and quirks included. But I don't always project the image that girls will find attractive; I am not always suited for attracting women. (I say women just as a general sense, not a particular type) Being an introspective person, I know this, and most times I am ok with this because I like who I am. But what about those times when loneliness creeps in and I become apathetic to who I am, and desire to be someone who attracts girls. And how much of a personal life and dating life can I sacrifice in order to remain true to myself?

I also wrote a different entry a while ago in which I talked about becoming who you wanted to be. "Be who you would be; then do what you must do." Making decisions based on the image of a person you want to become, and then eventually molding yourself into that person. However, there is a thin line between becoming who you want to be, and becoming who others will want. Perhaps it is even more dangerous for me since I know myself in and out, and I know what is unattractive at times, and what I could do to be more attractive. Could I trick myself into changing for other people while at the same time convincing my heart that it's good for me? I would normally say no, that I am strong enough to be who I want to be without too much regard for other people's opinions or preferences. I would normally so no.

Being an introspective person, and always looking to make myself better and looking on the inside for answers, perhaps I've skipped over the most simple solution for this whole thing. I keep mentioning that it's hard to be who I am, especially when I know that the opposite sex often looks for certain qualities that I don't desire to have or that run contrary to my nature. I keep focusing on myself, when in reality, I might just be looking at the wrong girls. If certain girls are just naturally attracted to jerks, then why would I want to attract their attention? I have always been someone eager to please and one who goes overboard in making other people happy, and because of that am too quick to change my habits or something with me to accommodate the other person. That's what is really hurting me here.

I am quick to say there are things about me that many girls would find unpleasing (among many pleasing attributes. I'm not bashing myself here) But in reality, I'm not most guys, and so it would make sense that I shouldn't be looking for "most girls". Yes, I may not be exactly what girls are looking for, the tough strong never cry man who makes them feel wanted if I treat them like meat, but that's not the type of girl I want to be with anyway.

So what does it all come down to? I shouldn't change myself to suit someone else. If I do want to change myself, and do so, then it should be for my own good and for my own development and success, not for someone else. In reality, I am the one that lives with myself every second of every day. (cliche alert!!) If I'm not happy with myself, then no one else will be either, and then everyone will be miserable. I need to find someone who is suited for me as they are, and I them. I need to find someone who is writing an entry similar to this one I finish right here. Hmm, I'm off to read some blogs. ;-)