Wanted: Rabid Beavers.

It's nearly 1:45 in the morning right now. If I don't get this out, I'm going to be thinking about it for a while and end up falling asleep somewhere around 3:30 am.

I'm very bitter right now and hate most guys. No offense.

On Saturday, I went to the gym with my roommate. I did my workout, then ran for 25 minutes, and then got ready to go, finding my roommate conversing with a guy on the other side of the gym. I walk up to them, say hi, and Matt introduces me, but I know the kid. I didn't know him, I knew who he was. I had done a kitchen for his parents and met him a few times throughout the process. I thought he was a nice guy, pretty normal, decent human being.

Then he started talking.

He wound up talking about steroids, and how he won't use them cause it does stuff to you, but a lot of his friends are doing them. He mentioned how it can harm your genital region. (not in those words obviously) He then went on to describe one such event in the most eloquent and thoughtful of ways. (Warning: Unsavory language ahead):

"So my friend was bangin this brod (broad? I don't know this) and you know, he's going at it, and he just goes limp instead of spraying his load."

Brilliant. At this point, I have no respect for this man not only because he revels in stories like this (He used that "bangin a brod" phrase many more times than 1) but also because he refers to women as "brods". Someone really needs to get me that right spelling.

He also enlightened me with this gem:

"So I was at a club down in Boston, and it was like, crazy, there were all these people dancin. I saw this hot chick and I came up behind her and smacked her ass. Girls love it when you smack em on the ass."

The emphatic hand motions made me hate him even more. And this buffoon of a man will get the girls. I've talked about this with my roommate, how it seems that girls go for the jack asses of the world, and then complain about them to the nice guys. I'm not saying all girls are like this; there are some lesbians. (Haha, that one was for me.) I've just heard too many "jack ass" stories to fool myself into thinking it doesn't really happen like that. This oaf, this "man" who deserves to have his nuts chewed off by a rabid beaver, is the perfect example.

I'm trying to keep this short, but bear with me here. I also saw the movie "Wedding Crashers" tonight. What a funny, funny movie. There are some scenes that really do make you laugh out loud. Not the laugh out loud (LOL) that gets OVERUSED on the internet, when someone clearly is not laughing out loud. I refuse to type LOL, the man won't break me.

Aside from it's hilarity, this movie pissed me off royally. 2 guys crash weddings in order to meet girls and have one night stands with them. Super. The disgraceful actions of these two boys are masked by humor and passed off as acceptable with a disgusting happy ending. Stupid hollywood happy endings, damn you!

So after there's a montage (a series of shots) of them sleeping with numerous girls (including the obligatory boob shots), they end up going to this huge wedding where someone really important is getting married. One of them falls in love with a girl, and she's got a boyfriend. Make a long story short, it's supah (Boston accent) cliche.

Girl is dating jerk boy who treats her like dirt, yet she stays with him. (Overused and unfortunately oft true stereotype.) Wedding crasher boy, faking an identity the whole time, falls for her, and she him. In the end, she dumps her jack ass boyfriend of 3 1/2 years after he orders her around like a servent, and she ends up with wedding crasher boy and it's a super happy ending. Perhaps I'm just a stickler and I'm ruining the movie with my issues, but I have issues with it! Yes, I just gave away the movie, how do you like me now.

These guys, for many years, crashed weddings to sleep with women, that was their only objective. I can't put all the blame on the guys because the girls can say no, but geez, this is what they do. Yes, I know the movie is made up, but what do you think guys go to clubs for? So in the end, the wedding crasher boys have all of a sudden had an epiphany and they're completely different and honest, good guys. Yeah, ok. I don't want them to have a happy ending, they don't deserve it. They deserve a broken heart for every heart they broke. Then bring in the rabid beaver and let it do its magic.

My point is this. I have seen and heard stories about guys being asses, waaaaaay too many for my taste thank you. It bothers me that guys think they can just smack a girl on the ass because they want to. It bothers me that guys can just treat women like objects and slabs of meat, but if it's funny, we can just laugh along. After all, that's what boys in their young years should be doing anyway right? This is what society says is ok. Go live it up, go get smashed every weekend and go after some girls, yeah! I'm getting all worked up, sorry. Those that know me well know that I've always felt like this, and I'm not saying this to appear all sympathetic towards women. I'm not a lot of the time. If a girl is with a jerk guy, and she knows it, then she's just as much to blame because she hasn't said enough is enough and left.

To all the girls out there: Know what you are worth and don't accept anything less. Value yourself and don't settle for treatment and love of a lesser worth.

To all the guys out there who sound even remotely like the guy I first talked about: Go screw yourself. Get some manners and some respect you (insert many expletives here.) And go find a beaver.

To all the guys out there who can relate to what I'm saying: Yeah, nice guys do often finish last, but at least you run the race honestly. Keep your compassion, keep your integrity, keep your nice ways, and keep your head up.